ITS COLD

As I step out the door, my mouth I seal, 

My steps are smaller. nothing in sight to appeal. 

I feel not elated from dusk to dawn, 

I am but cold inside out. 

No feelings inside, just tears that fall, 

A smile I wear, just another sensation.

My nose is pink that I hide from all. 

I have gone numb, no more anticipations. 

The coffee is still warm, 

The fire is still burning. 

On my blanket I lay  wrapped, 

Not  a thing around I am yearning. 

I stare at the ice melted on the floor, 

I see the same person but those eyes I dont know. 

The pictures on the wall I see nomore, 

Who really knows what lies behind closed doors.

The times are hard, one has to be bold, 

Smile and go on, a rule of the world. 

When the sun us up, and everyone is around. 

Its my smile you see, but I am still cold. 

TESTIMONY

I was just a little boy,

An orphan for a five year old.

You believed I was a little spoilt,

Who never did what he was told.

My mind was but in a turmoil.

I was too young, I did not know.

I stepped into school,

my life was bounded by their rules.

You believed I got into fights,

with boys who beat me and swore.

Deeply hurt I cried myself to sleep at night,

my anger I could not control.

I grew up alone, with not a single soul,

the correct path of life, I was never showed.

You believed I liked noone to be around.

you know not how I pretended to be bold. 

You know not the feeling of living in darkness, 

the feeling of lonliness, to hear your own heart pound. 

The pressure still building I could take it nomore, 

I tried to fight hunger, in your ruthless world. 

You believed I was lazy, while I tried to be decent,

looking for work, I couldnt remain afloat.

You, the people made me this deliquent,

Standing here facing you in a juvenile court.

A STEP FORWARD...A STEP BACK

Many doors, so many paths,

Many are closed, but a few still remain open.

Which one must I walk through I can't choose.

Too scared to take a step forward,

Too bold to take a step back.

Many faces, so many names,

Many are known, but a few we call friends.

Which ones must I trust I cannot recognize.

Too scared to take a step forward,

Too bold to take a step back.

Many thoughts, so many memories,

Many fade away, many still remain fresh.

Which ones must I erase I cannot identify.

Too scared to take a step forward,

Too bold to take a step back.

Many feelings, so many emotions,

Many to show, but a few remain sublime.

Which ones myst I hide I cannot decide.

Too scared to take a step forward,

Too bold to take a step back.

Many actions, so many deeds,

Many are corrected, but a few remain undone.

Which ones myst I regret I cant determine.

Too scared to take a step forward,

Too bold to take a step back.

A GREAT DAY ITS GOING TO BE

A Great day Its going to Be...

The day is moist,

My nose my fingers cant feel,

I have a smile on my face,

A great day its going to be...

Not a moment for a doubt

Not a thought of any to give a shout

Not a memory of whats it about.

Nothing there I cant live without.

The music is as soothing as it can be,

A sight so rare of a calm city that I see,

Every move I sense reminds me,

A great day its going to be...

Moments like this we wish for,

When they come you never know.

Sipping my coffee humming my favourite tune,

I am going to make it the best for me.

Moments of happiness and sorrow,

Moments when my thoughts just flow,

Moments that come and go to tell me,

A great day its going to be.......

I Think This Time

I think this time its all undone, 

Nomore space in my heart for anyone. 

While you sit there still holding on, 

I think this time I am moving on.

I think this time you have a blindfold, 

Noone you believed, not a word you were told. 

While she sits beside you to console, 

I think this time I will walk without a soul. 

I think this time you made it clear, 

Nothing more to say, nothing left to hear. 

While you sit back home hiding your tears, 

I think this time I will come no near. 

I this time you should realize, 

Not all the time can you be right. 

While you sit there thinking you are mature, 

I think this time I will find a cure. 

I think this time there is nothing left to explain, 

Nowhere I want to run, no one do I want to blame. 

While you live your life away from your friends, 

I think this time you should think again. 

Time Slips By

The leaves rustle under my feet, 

every step I take is a new one for me. 

With my eyes so emotionless, I walk aimlessly, 

My past flashes randomly in front of me.

My lips are trembling, the wind is chilly, 

my shoulders hurt, my bag must be heavy. 

I complain about almost everything around me, 

I am not yet old, but a young girl in her twenties. 

Was being loyal a big mistake?

To find out the truth a wrong step did I take?

Why did standing up for someone hurt so bad?

When all I could not see was anyone sad!

Was I showed not the whole truth?
Was I being fooled and given the royal boot?

Was I shoved around because I was pliable?

Was all that I knew in fact not as reliable?

Should I talk to them or just let them be?

Should I stick to the ones who keep in touch with me?

Should I apologize or try not to be there?

Should I do what a friend must or try not to care?

A snowflake settles on my nose, 

While I keep thinking about what life often shows. 

Time just slips by without a say,

No answers to my questions, so I smile and walk away. 

YOU MEAN A LOT MORE

U MEAN A LOT MORE

When I sit and think of you, 

your worth to me means a lot more. 

You mean a lot to me my love, 

than what life means to the dying. 

and what happiness means to the crying. 

You mean a lot more, 

than what a single drop of water, 

Means to a fish on land. 

What one touch of your hand, 

means to my lonely hand. 

I am not a poet, 

I know I am not one. 

Yet you linger in my thoughts and mind, 

like a sweet melody, 

that whispers in the ears of the blind. 

It brings a smile to me,

You know that it does. 

Then why did you leave me behind, 

Drowning in my tears of blood?

I know I am late, 

I know its true. 

Yet I want you to know that

Every breathe that I take 

is incomplete without you. 

I am standing on the bridge now, 

I can see my boat pass me by. 

I've left my home and all that I treasured, 

I am far away from you to hear me cry. 

Doesn't all this to you my love show, 

that you mean a lot more.....

FRIENDS

The night has taken its turn.,

The cool beeze brings my heart some warmth.

Though the sun has long been gone,

Remember the moon cannot shine on its own!

Friendship is such a silent bond,

You cant always see it, sometimes you think its gone.

Look deeper into it, look beyond whats known,

You'll see your mates waiting and realise are not alone!

When there are days in life you curse,

When lonliness but only makes it worse.

When all that faith wrote was smeared.

Its their reassuring voice you will hear!

A ear they lend to what you have to share,

Their eyes they keep open so no sorrow comes near.

A smile they give to cheer you, its always there,

A shoulder they give when you are in tears.

A heart they cross when you have something to tell,

Their sleeves they roll to stand up for you in a fight.

A hand they give to pull you out of trouble.

On their lap you rest when they wish you goodnight.

They sign no treaty, no bond or two,

They need no money, not a penny from you.

They give you all they have no matter what.

From trust and support to love that cant be bought.

Never tell them they werent true to you.

Never blame them for hurting you.

It breaks, it tears, it rips their heart apart,

But they never retort, just wish for a fresh start.

Friends are God's blessing to you,

You cant always understand because we arent meant to.

Before the sun sets upon your friend and you,

You will realise you love them and they love you too!

Culture and Religion- Bonds or Bound??

It was another day at work. Work all morning till its time to go and sit with colleagues in the cafeteria, get the soothing view of the Lake Ontario, one I always look at with awe at its vastness and calmness. There are a variety of ppl we come across everyday, some laugh at what we do in the elevator, some compliment us... strange ppl find my smile better than my eyes....neway there are also ppl who look too sleepy n tired to even look at the others around themselves- many i suspect were on Diaper change duty throughout the nite.


Nelia- from Portugal, Widad- from Ethopia, Nipa n myself- From India form a multi cultural group of our own. We were having our usual conversations about our lunches and food, ppl from our department, Nelia tried to pronounce Bhujia which was always "Bujia" for her till she had to have the last word and said that she would read the letters of the word I was tryin to ask her to read aloud, in SPANISH so the poor snack has been renamed as "buhiya" -"J" in spanish is pronounced as a "Y"...she went on to  mimick the italian accent and after getting stern looks from the lady seated next to our table, an italian I guess, she decided to stop.....thats the usual with us at the cafeteria. You cant sit there with a serious face with us around.
Suddenly we began talking about the news and then the focus went on to a father who shot his daughter for refusing to wear a Hijab. Widad being a Muslim and nipa n I being indians understand the importance religion holds in the eyes of our parents and the generations before them, especially for the ones who migrate to other countries, especially the two North American Countries considered mainly as the WESTERN WORLD. We didnt really react to it but Nelia, who had never witnessed such restrains in her life in any form, found it rightfully unfair to the girl who got no say in what she wanted to do to adapt to the country she came to live in. I quietly(you bet quietly) witnessed the exchange of ideas between Nelia and Widad, whether one should let go or hold on to the traditions one has been brought up with back home to adapt to that of the new place you have come to live in for the years to come at least.
When you sit and analyze the points they brought up, there are a few things you agree with and a few questions you still ponder over. The Canadian government is going to make wearing burkhas and similar garments that cover the face of the individual, illegal. Nelia pointed out that it was the right thing to do since it only masks the identity of the person you converse with and makes it uncomfortable both the parties in the conversation. The facial expressions and eye to eye contact during conversations make them easier for both the parties in it. Point noted.
The cultural difference between all of us was another thing that I noticed. While having a boyfriend and maintaining a live-in with them before marriage is okay with many in north america, it is unaccaptable to others, like indians particularly since we are always reminded that its not part of our culture. To go out clubbing every friday night is just a stress buster for many but it maynot be okay with others like italians, muslim kids and Indians taking a few examples...reason...remains the same. Its not our culture. There are many other small things that make the cultural difference evident and sometimes makes it a bit difficult for many to mingle though it makes every person equally different. While one part of my mind believes that when you do move to a new place, start a new way of life then why not open our minds to these changes? then the other part of me thinks that its our culture that defines us and its something we know well, its something that is our identity. we already make many new adjustments then why let go of the little that is left with one. Laws are made to protect us, rules are made to keep you safe, and one should abide by them, but what do you do in instances like the ones where Sardars refuse to wear helmets thanks to the turbans they wear as part of their religion?? Either he has to follow the rules and be bound by his religion or and drive a car or he should be allowed still to drive with the turban on....They can bound u in cases u cant break free...sometimes they are the reason when u look at another u smile at them feeling the bond between you and them.....coz we all are humans afterall....why bound ourselves when we can bond??

A SONG by Me

DONT CALL THIS OUR LAST GOODBYE

With an emptiness inside,

My broken heart looks at the sky.

A teardrop comes falling from my eye.

In every moment of my life,

I always want you by my side.

Oh please dont leave me

Dont call this our last goodbye!

Every moment spent with you,

All the times that we went through.

Every kiss we shared my love for you was true.

Oh dont you leave all this aside,

Oh dont you call our love a lie.

Oh please dont leave me

Dont call this our last goodbye!

Boy I promise you someday,

Our love will make it all the way.

All the world will watch, our love we wont deny.

Oh dont you leave all this aside,

Oh dont you leave our love to die.

Oh please dont leave me

Dont call this our last goodbye!

The time has come

For you to hold my hand,

Whats holding you back

Oh baby slip this side!

Oh please just stay

Dont you turn and walk away

Dont wanna lose you now

Oh tell me a reason WHY??

chorus:

With an emptiness inside

My broken heart looks at the sky

A teardrop comes falling from my eye

OH dont you leave all this aside.

Oh dont you leave our love to die.

Oh please dont leave me

Dont call this our last goodbye

Babe please dont leave me

Dont call this our last goodbye!!

-Apexa

A WARM HUG

A WARM HUG

A skip of a heartbeat so tender,

As you take a step closer.

A quick glimpse of your face,

As to me your eyes surrender.

A drop of sweat slips by,

As you take my hand in yours.

A teardrop escapes from my eyes,

As you wrap them around your shoulders.

A sudden gasp with a look of surprise,

As you defy the distance between us.

A silent sigh with a deep breathe,

As you smile at me for forgiveness.

A chill running down my spine,

As you swirl me in a full circle.

A world of joy and warmth I feel,

As you hug me with love so gentle.

-Apex-a

This one I wrote tonight

A NIGHT WITH MY HEART ALONE

The day has ended and soon comes nightfall,

No shoulder to lean on, nobody I can call.

Its but darkness I like. No moon to shine on, 

A night with my heart alone, no body no soul. 

It is not something I will share ever,

It is not something I will weep over. 

It is something I will cherish forever, 

It is something I will forget never. 

Life has brought me to such a crossroad, 

Should I take the one you chose or the one that He showed?

Life has brought me to such a confluence, 

Should I listen to all or the ones who have more experience?

What is right what is wrong  I no longer know. 

Should I just wait or should I let it all go?

Why do such moments come in life, 

When there is no answer to my what or who or when and why?

I have gone over every moment-everything that I have seen, 

I have gone over every phase-the good and bad that I have been, 

Finally my mind cant take it  no more, 

A night with my heart alone, no body no soul.

You Are Not Mine

A year has gone by,

Not a word from you,

A year has gone by,

Not a sign from you.

A mind full of memories,

My heart succumbs to pain.

A Soul full of love

My eyes shed tears in vain.

Was there any love??

Was that even true?

Was I even there?

Or was there but you??

Not a memory of my scent.

Not a moment that we lived through,

Not a recollection of that kiss.

You dont remember my touch too.

You may distant yourself from me,

Your memories are still mine.

You may have stopped loving me.

My love for you is still alive.

A year has gone by,

Not a word, not a sign.

A year has gone by,

And you still are not mine.....

-Apexa.

YOU ARE THE WORLD TO ME

When the world outside surrounds me,

When my heart searches for a place to flee.

These eyes seek none but you,

You are the world to me its true.

You are the world to me my love,

A world that centres my dreams,

A world I hate to share,

A world i will always want to take care.

They tell me its no longer there,

I know its never been fair,

But deep down inside me somewhere,

I know my heart is where you are there.

I doesn't matter what you feel ,

Your no is your love for me,

A melody, a whisper, a sensation

Your words in my heart I seal.

I wish you had never left me,

One day you'll return you'll see,

Standing with arms wide open,

Waiting for you I will always be.

I was never good with words,

I am not good with actions too.

All I want you to know is that,

My WHOLE world is around only you.

-Apexa

Silver Lining

SILVER LINING


When you want to create your own dream,

Each part, a droplet making a stream.

Hurdles will come my friend, don't go whining,

Go on!make them true, there is a silver lining!!

When life becomes hard and dreams very few,

When there is coldness around and no warmth with you.

Remember my friend, these days will pass by,

There is always a Silver Lining, for both you and I..

When life had been happy, till it began falling apart,

When difference led to circumstances that made him depart.

Wipe those tears my friend, he will be back soon,

Look up at the Silver Lining , that shines beyond the moon.

Life is never easy, believe me its true,

You have to be strong, you have to make it through.

With happiness my friend, sadness will always be.

Believe in the Silver Lining, out there for you and me.

-Apexa